


And Let The Stars Be My Witness

by Talvenhenki



Series: S5E16 fills [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Julian is not ok, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Very vague romantic undertones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29400171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: Returning to his quarters from the catastrophic dinner with his parents, Julian encounters Garak, and something in him breaks. Garak helps to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: S5E16 fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164677
Comments: 15
Kudos: 62





	And Let The Stars Be My Witness

**Author's Note:**

> I got this fic idea last night and had to write it after my breakfast today. I live for soft Garashir and while I'm not too confident about writing them romantically just yet, I'm marking the ship anyway since they're not quite platonic either, here.

Julian was walking slowly through the habitat ring. The dinner with his parents had ended in disaster as Julian had started a shouting match with his father. Richard had insulted him. It somehow felt worse, having to listen to his father’s insults, than remembering the fact that his parents had not really loved Julian before his augmentations. The knowledge stung like a fresh wound in Julian’s chest. His parents had violated his trust, and his body, and never got any repercussions for it. Perhaps that was why Julian had originally left – to give his parents what they deserved, to take their bright little Jules away.

No, Julian was no longer Jules. Jules was gone. Good riddance.

Hearing footsteps in the hallway, Julian looked up. His eyes met Garak’s, and suddenly the imaginary wound in his chest widened. There was a lump the size of a tennis ball in Julian’s throat as he looked at Garak – the only thing that could bear some resemblance to normalcy in the horrible situation Julian was in. Garak had no idea of Julian’s genetic augmentations.

“Ah, my dear doctor!” said Garak, smiling. “How was the family dinner? Over already?”

Tears sprung into Julian’s eyes and spilled over. He covered his mouth with his hand as his breath hitched – somehow, he couldn’t quite keep the emotion at bay any longer. Garak’s smile fell instantly. He closed the distance between himself and Julian with a few quick steps and placed a hand on Julian’s arm.

“I must have said something terribly wrong”, Garak muttered, “I am sorry, dear doctor. Now, let’s get you to your quarters. Then you can explain what’s wrong.”

Julian nodded and allowed Garak to lead him. As they walked, Garak spoke softly to ground Julian. It was meaningless chatter about his customers, about the trousers Garak mended, about the gossip he heard. Somehow, it helped Julian not to spiral. He felt terrible, yes, but Garak’s soft voice kept him grounded in the present.

“Now”, Garak said after arriving to Julian’s quarters and shutting the door, “what happened?”

“My parents”, Julian breathed through the lump in his throat, “my parents happened.” He was sitting on the sofa, leaning his forehead on his hands, elbows on his knees. “My parents who still think they made the right choices, my parents who _mutilated_ me when I was a child.”

“Oh?” Garak asked. “Now that is a story I haven’t heard. Forgive me, but you don’t seem very mutilated. Could you specify?”

Julian laughed hollowly. Trust Garak to take his words all too literally. Or perhaps ‘mutilated’ was not the best choice of words. After all, Julian looked just fine. It was what was inside that had been scrambled, poked at, mutilated by those doctors in the far-away world.

“Did I ever tell you about my childhood?” Julian asked softly.

Garak, who had sat down next to Julian, shook his head. “Aside from wanting to be a tennis player, I don’t think you have”, he admitted, “why is that? Do you have a secret you’re ashamed of?”

Julian swallowed – it would be the moment of truth. “When I was a child”, he whispered, “I had great difficulties with learning. I think it might have been a learning disability, or maybe symptoms related to the autism spectrum. I was never diagnosed, though. When I started school, I simply couldn’t learn like the other children did. My parents, unable to handle the shame, decided to genetically augment me.”

As Julian drew in a shaky breath, Garak interrupted him. “Forgive me, doctor, but isn’t genetic augmentation strictly forbidden in Federation worlds? I seem to remember that such a past could disqualify anyone from working in Starfleet _and_ medicine. How, if I may ask, have you found your way here despite your fascinating life story?”

Julian sniffled. He didn’t have any more energy to pretend to be strong. What his parents had done to him stung, it stung so much, because somewhere deep inside him was still a young boy who wondered if his parents had ever truly loved him. They called Julian’s intelligence _a gift_ , but all Julian could think was that, by being less than average, he had been unlovable as a child.

“My father wanted me to be a doctor”, he explained, “but he conveniently forgot that genetically augmented people can’t legally work in medicine. I only ever wanted to play tennis.”

“Oh”, Garak said. He placed a hand over Julian’s back and began rubbing it absentmindedly. “Did they ever respect your wishes?”

Wiping his eyes, Julian shook his head. “No. They still insist on calling me Jules. When I found out what they’d done at fifteen, I…I realised I couldn’t be Jules. Jules was kind-hearted, and a little slow to learn, and his only friend was a teddy bear who kept falling apart. Me, on the other hand, I’m none of those things. I’m just a shell of that little boy who trusted his parents blindly.”

Garak sighed. He was still rubbing Julian’s back, drawing patterns on it. Julian shivered. He had never told anyone that such a gesture calmed him. He was very precise about who got to touch him (his parents didn’t) and, to his surprise, he really liked Garak’s touch. Garak was never too much, even though he sometimes did overestimate Julian’s ability to handle stimuli.

“I must disagree with you, my dear doctor”, Garak decided after a moment’s silence, “because I have learnt to know you as a very kind-hearted young man. Your willingness to help others speaks for itself. In a morbid sort of way, being a doctor _suits_ you.”

Julian finally looked up. The tear tracks made him look younger, a lot younger than he was. The anger on his face seemed to delight Garak who loved to poke and prod at sensitive matters. It made Julian almost angry.

“So, you think my parents knew me better than I did?”

“Oh, not at all”, Garak said defensively, “but I do think you could have chosen this line of work even without your parents’ pressure to do so.”

Julian sprung up and walked a few steps away from Garak, back turned to his friend. New tears were falling – Julian felt as if Garak had metaphorically cornered him. There was nowhere left to run; Julian would have to bare his soul to the man he’d once called _the Cardassian spy_. Those days felt so distant, like another lifetime altogether. How Julian wished he could go back to those days and ramble to Jadzia all about the lunch he’d had with the spy and annoy everyone else in the process.

Turning around, Julian glared at Garak. “Why aren’t you reacting any worse?” he demanded. “Most people would instantly decide to rid themselves of my friendship and begin to spread the word that I’m a freak who shouldn’t be trusted with their health or secrets!”

“Oh, you wound me, doctor!” Garak exclaimed, placing his hand over his heart. “Surely you must know by now that I am not like most of the people in this station. Why, I was thinking that if your secret got out, I could simply employ you myself! Surely you have sewing expertise after all those surgeries you’ve performed, have you not?”

Julian let out a strangled laugh at the absurdity of Garak’s statement. His legs were starting to feel weak, and he likely would have toppled over, had Garak not rushed to embrace him. He held Julian upright, stroking the doctor’s hair.

“Now, I understand you must be terrified of the secret getting out”, Garak breathed, “so please know that you can trust me to guard it. I am rather impressed to find that you have managed to hide such a key detail of yourself for so long. There is hope for you yet, I say, my dear doctor.”

Julian sniffled. “So, I’ve finally passed your crash course to espionage, have I?” he asked, laughing weakly.

“You most certainly have, dearest doctor”, Garak said softly, “and I’m proud of you. No matter your past, I would never abandon you.”

Sniffling again, Julian bit his lower lip. He was exhausted, and Garak’s words made his eyes water again. Garak noticed this and helped Julian over to his bed where he could sit down and gather himself. Garak was still holding Julian in a loose embrace, gently shushing Julian every time a sob escaped him. Not forcefully, though, but more to just remind Julian that he was not alone.

Eventually, Julian managed to gather himself and dry his tears. Taking a deep breath, Julian pulled away from the embrace and faced Garak who was smiling. Not that devious smile of his, no, but a real, proud smile that told Julian more than enough.

“Thank you”, Julian breathed, “for helping me over…whatever this was. I guess…I guess I just needed someone to know the truth.”

“I feel honoured that you chose me”, Garak said, still smiling. “Now, you should get some of that precious sleep you humans need to face tomorrow. I shall leave you for the night, but I expect to see you tomorrow for lunch.”

Julian nodded. “Tomorrow for lunch. Good night, Garak.”

“Good night, my dearest doctor.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments will warm my soul!


End file.
